The title character of Jane Austen’s Emma is not exactly given many kind words by readers and critics. She’s described as selfish, entitled, spoiled, and unkind. And perhaps those characterizations are true, to some degree. I mean, Jane Austen, after writing Emma, even said she had created “a heroine whom no one but myself will much like.”

But here’s a hot take: Emma is the most relatable Jane Austen heroine. At least she is for me.

Here’s the thing. I hope I’m not like her in the way I act or treat people. Throughout the course of the novel, we see Emma treat people terribly and make many poor decisions. But where I see myself in Emma is her growing awareness of her own failings. It was an incredibly poignant experience reading through the book watching this intense discomfort grow, brought on by having to come face to face with her own failings. That discomfort, and that repeated realization of your own failings. That sinking feeling when you realize you were not your best self. And then the way you beat yourself up about those moments. Those are the things that I found myself intensely drawn to and that I felt were reflections of my own experience. I have so much sympathy and love for Emma in those moments. And I don’t think I’m alone in recognizing those feelings.

With all the talk about Emma being prideful, vain, and unlikable, I actually think she (by the end of the novel) shows more self-awareness, more humility, and more willingness to grow than any other Austen heroine. I think that is enormously admirable, and she’s not often given enough credit for that. It’s astounding how much she grows during the novel. You can make an argument that it’s really just because she needed more growth to begin with. But it takes guts to apologize, and to admit you were wrong – something Emma does repeatedly.

Maybe some of Jane Austen’s heroines present a version of ourselves that we’d like to be. Maybe we’d like to think we’re as clever as Elizabeth Bennett and as dignified as Anne Elliot, or as lively as Marianne Dashwood. But for me, Emma represents the parts of myself that I like the least. She reminds me of mistakes I’ve made and moments when I could have been kinder or more patient. Maybe that’s why she holds a special place in my heart. She reminds me that I can grow and I can be better.